dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
