If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
