weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
