Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
