i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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