My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
