Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
