i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's Friday. Sex?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
