Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
