I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
