well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
