Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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