Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
