how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
