apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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