do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
50% drunk capacity currently
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
