I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
