Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
