Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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