By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
