Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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