So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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