I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
