why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
