Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
