i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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