I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
