He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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