every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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