why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
