The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
