I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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