i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i need to put some appletini on your dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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