I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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