after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need a beard to bite.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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