It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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