I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
