Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
