I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
