Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
