they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
