Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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