its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
