he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
