You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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