Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
