Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
