First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
