omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
3 2 1 whiskey
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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