Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my being single is dangerous.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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