a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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