Plan B is the new Plan A
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
