She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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