Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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