I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
