Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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