i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
