I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
