K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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