A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
