found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
