So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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