i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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