The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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