I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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