Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
