why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
