you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
