if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize