i already hear my dad disowning me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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