we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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