from now on my penis is your penis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So. Much. Porn.
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