i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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