Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
