Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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