I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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