ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
