Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
