I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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