I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
