Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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