I am full of burrito and curiosity
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
