Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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