I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
