Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
