Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
