And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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