Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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