my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
