I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The air taste purple.
Randomize