Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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