So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
